45. “Our incompetent teachers will make you feel better about yourself”
46. “Certificate of achievement for all students who are actually still around at the end of the course”
47. “Guaranteed students who are a much higher level in each class to explain anything the teacher can’t”
48. “To guarantee an English-only class, we only employ teachers who have been here for years without learning a word of the language”
49. “Guaranteed smaller class sizes by the end of term 1”
50. “All of teachers have been told they will be sacked if they don’t improve”
51. “It doesn’t matter if you have studied BBC English or Standard American English, because we even things out by only employing from Belfast or the American Deep South”
52. “We’ve suddenly realised that quality teachers are a good thing”
53. “All those problems with drunk and fighting teachers are well in the past”
54. “The least lecherous teachers in town”
55. “None of the rumours are true”
56. “We won on appeal”
57. “We now do criminal record checks on our teachers”
58. “Just because you read it on the internet doesn’t make it true”
59. “Have you heard/ read the rumours about our competitors?”
60. “We are much improved after the summer cull”
61. “We’ve given the school a damn good clean”
62. “What doesn’t kill you of boredom makes you stronger”
63. “75 percent of our teachers aren’t alcoholics”
64. “We haven’t ripped anyone off since we were born again”
65. “If you want to enter an Advanced class, just ask!”
66. “We don’t waste your time with level checks”
67. “Other schools may question your estimate of your level, we won’t”
68. “All our teachers have been trained to speak like the Queen in class”
69. “Our teachers will never say they don’t know”