A circle or horseshoe of seats with the teacher at the front – You are an exhibitionist. Do you by any chance find yourself regularly needing to go to the garden or balcony semi-dressed to rescue the washing, get your last clean T-shirt, etc?

Desks arranged into three sides of a square with the whiteboard and teacher making up the fourth side – You’ve always wanted to be a James Bond baddie. When your students do something you don’t like, do you find yourself reaching under your desk for the trapdoor button?

Students around grouped tables – You want your students to just get on with it and leave you in peace to plan changes to your fantasy football team

Chairs and flaps rather than tables – You have a deep-seated but hidden fear that your students might bring in weapons and force you to really correct all their spoken mistakes at gunpoint

Tables rather than chairs and flaps – You are traumatized by having won a Butlins knobbly knees contest when you were 13

Change set up several times per term or class – You are confused about your sexuality

Desks pushed together into one conference-room-style table – You dream about bringing in the first Robocop prototype and having it tell your students that they have twenty seconds to comply/ You dream of one day banging your fist on the table and telling your students that it just isn’t damn well good enough, like a dynamic CEO (but about their homework or continued neglect of the third person S rather than a $4 billion takeover)

Rows of single desks – You want to punish all grammar mistakes with 100 press ups and have a uniform inspection at the start of every class, but school regulations or the students being paying customers don’t allow it

Rows of desks paired up – You dream of two of your students hooking up, adopting you as their new Mum or Dad, and looking after you in your old age

Students working in groups with you moving around the edges of their classroom monitoring them – You have a very large and/ or itchy arse

Students start the class in a semi-circle on the floor with the teacher on a chair telling a story etc – You don’t get much respect at home or in the teachers’ room

Desks all pushed back to the edges of the room to leave a clear space for movement in the middle – You are looking forward to the day when you finally snap and run round the classroom pretending to be an aeroplane

Books on laps – You always thought you’d end up saving the world by teaching English in Africa, but you couldn’t even stand the weather, transport and heat in Bangkok so you ended up in Osaka or Madrid

A student or students standing at the front of the class while you join the other students sitting down – You are too much of a typical man to just go to the doctor and get that damn broken toe seen to

A student or students standing at the front of the class while you stand at the back – You always wanted to be the strict but much loved inspiration behind a famous ballet dancer

Students at computers while you walk around behind them – You are doing research on how skull shape is related to hatred of pairwork and classroom games

I’m a James Bond baddie manque myself. And you?

And any other classroom set ups with what they mean?