“Enthusiastic” = Will work split shifts without complaint
“Energetic” = Won’t get sick just because of a lot of work and lack of holidays
“Passionate” = Will act like a clown in kids’ classes to make up for a complete lack of training in actually teaching them anything
“CELTA or equivalent” = We really want the CELTA, but why would anyone with a well known qualification apply for this job??/ We only employ people with the CELTA, but we offer a different qualification in our teacher training section, so we have to write that to pretend that it’s okay
“Can work as a team” = Will be fooled by management attempts to pretend they are listening and will therefore accept all management decisions, however arbitrary/ Won’t get pissed off at having to cover lessons for teacher who is hung over
Anyone spotted any others?
Guaranteed job = a job that most wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole
Competitive salary = the same that we always pay
I would go for
Competitive salary = seems good until you get here and realise what the other schools are paying
“Friendly family-run school” = Mafia-inspired outfit run by dysfunctional family who actually hate each other – and you even more!
Guaranteed job = teaching 60 kids per class in Cambodia or Thailand (with a blackboard and no air conditioning! )
Stable location = no earthquakes in Japan this year
Able to pass physical = having a pulse and a passport
No criminal records = something only applied to teachers; TEFL management may do as they wish
Patient and creative individuals who love working with children = mime and tap dance
Like it. I’d only amend the first, to read
Guaranteed job = guaranteed that an experienced teacher wouldn’t take it
Creative = you have to make/write/buy all your own resources cos we have none. (or none you’d want to use at least)
Back to ‘competitive salary’, which I’ve always taken to mean that a cartel of dodgy schools have gotten together and agreed to keep their pay somewhere floating around poverty line levels.
Haha I love these!