Not only is annoying the British the only reason for the French blocking English as the official language of the EU, they have found a way of finally accepting the inevitable while pissing the UK off still further by preparing plans to accept Irish English as the official language within weeks of Britain voting for an exit from the EU. To get ready for this major change, UK-based publishers are already working on updated EU-specific versions of Headway, Cutting Edge etc including:

– A whole unit on “so”, as in “This is weak, so it is”, “I can carry it, so I can”, “We lost, so we did”, “Bye so”, “Let’s go so”, “That’s fine so”, “We’ll do that so”, and “You’re not trying hard enough” – “I am so!”

– “at all at all”

– “to be sure to be sure”

– “‘tis” and “tisn’t”

– “amn’t”

– “now”, as in “There you go now” and “Ah now!”

– “ye”/ “youse” for plural you

– “will” for offers, as in “Will I make us a cup of tea?”

– “after”, as in “I’m only after my tea” and “I was after doing X when I did Y”

– “do be,” as in “They do be playing with their mobiles a lot.”

– “I am in me wick” for I am not

– “I will in me ring” for I will not

– “da” for dad

– “wet the tea” for “make tea”

– “Snobby weather!” for “Are you ignoring me?”

– “boxing the fox” for robbing an orchard

– “artist” for someone on the dole

– “dry shite” for a boring person

– “eat the head off” for attack verbally

– “chiseller” for young child

– “culchies” and “bog trotters” for rural people

– “cute hoor” for an untrustworthy person

– “up to the ninety” for ready to explode with anger

– “wagon” for ugly female

– “to mitch”, “to scheme” and “to be on the hop” for skipping school

– “up the pole” for pregnant

– “sucking diesel” for having a good time

– “stocious”, “gee eyed”, “langers”, “motherless”, “polluted” and “fluthered” for drunk

– “piss in the beds” for dandelions

– “acting the maggot” for being annoying

– “banjaxed” for broken or tired

– “bold” for naughty

– “brasser” for prostitute

– “chipper” for fish and chips shop

– “clatter” for a slap

– “deadly” for great

– “delph” for crockery

– “diddies” and “knobs” for breasts

– “dote” for a cute baby

– “follier-upper” for a serial

– “foostering” for wasting time

– “get a fifty” for being stood up

– “gobdaw” for idiot

– “gollier” for spit

– “gurrier” for a hooligan

– “hard neck” for a lack of respect

– “holliers” for holiday

– “hooley” for a party

– “horse’s hoof” for exaggerated story

– “hotpress” for a drying cupboard

– “flah” for a good looking person

– “jacks” for toilet

– “jammers” for very crowded

– “juicy” for pretty

– “knick-knacking” for ringing a doorbell and running away

– “low babies” for a junior primary school

– “messages” for groceries

– “nip” for nude

– “flitters” for tatters

– “giving out to” for scolding

– “go car” for a pushchair

– “hard chaw” for a tough man

– “header” for mentally unstable person

– “hump off” for “go away”

– “make a bags/ hames” for mess up

– “milling” for fighting

– “mot” for girlfriend

– “odds” for loose change

– “rapid” for amazing

– “reddener” for blushing

– “scratcher” for bed

– “scratch” for the dole

– “scutters” for diarrhea

– “shower of savages” for a riotous crowd

– “sleeven” for sly

– “strand” for beach

– “throwing shapes” for showing off

– “eejit”

– “feck”

– “jaysus”

– the /w/ /wh/ distinction

– the “horse”/ “hoarse” distinction

– /oi/ in night etc

– “any”/ “many” to rhyme with “nanny” and “Danny”

– “haitch” for H

– two syllables for “film”

The Vineys are also rumoured to be working on an EFL version of Father Ted.