… since that new guy joined I’m no longer the worst.

… I’m not nearly as bad a teacher as I was two years ago.

… I didn’t realise I could have got a job without a CELTA until I’d already passed it.

… I communicate a lot better inside the classroom than out there in the real world.

… I’ve got a stack of photocopiables and instant games up my sleeve for when it all goes wrong.

… I was a much worse care worker and manager than I am a teacher.

… I have a clean criminal record (or at least in the country where it is checked).

… luckily in this profession the chances of me doing any permanent damage are pretty low.

… I don’t take any pleasure in getting the same pay as those who are.

… I don’t stay in one job long enough for it to matter.

… my school still probably get better teaching from me than they deserve.

… BBC podcasts etc mean that nowadays at least my English level doesn’t decline faster than my teaching improves.

… I got all the wacky humanistic stuff and jumping on the latest SLA bandwagons out of the way years ago.

…I’ve finally found deodorant that works and shirts that don’t show stains.

… I do most paperwork no more than two weeks late.

…I haven’t had any stand up blazing rows with managers recently.

… I enjoy my job enough not to need a fake smile at work.

… my boredom level is similar to that of my students.

… there’s no Diploma, MA or PhD getting in the way of planning my lessons.

… everything I learnt about teaching was long enough ago that I no longer feel the need to show any of it off.

…I’ve stolen ideas from a whole bunch of better teachers.

… I shave every other day or so.

… I avoid garlic at lunchtime.

… I’m genuinely interested in the minutiae of people’s jobs.

… I usually laugh with students rather than at them.

… I never learnt how to hit on anyone anywhere, let alone in the classroom.

… I do avoid the most obvious mistakes.

… I have no love of the sound of my own voice.

… my CELTA brainwashing is wearing off.

… I’ve almost entirely stopped correcting my students when they use American English.

…that means if I can make my worksheets work, anyone can.

… listen to what is going on in that classroom next door!