Another slightly polished up refugee from my soon to disappear Articles page. Thanks to the readers who contributed some of these when I did the original post. Click on the TEFL humour tag below for more attempts at humour.

1. “Officially the blondest teachers of any school in Japan/ China/ Taiwan”

2. “We’ve never changed, but it’s because we are perfect”

3. “The youth of our teachers makes up for the age of our building/ methodology/ technology/ wallpaper”

4. “Unlike other schools, all our teachers leave before they get bitter”

5. “Scandal free for 423 days”

6. “Much improved since last year”

7. “All charges were dropped”

8. “We keep our teachers keen by making them feel insecure”

9. “The cheapest place in town to spend two hours somewhere with air-conditioning/ heating/ someone to listen to your problems”

10. “Our conversation classes are cheaper than therapy and less judgemental than confession”

11. “Our overdrafts mean we are always eager to please.”

12. “We don’t waste your money on heating/ photocopies/ paint/ teachers with lots of qualifications”

13. “If you don’t want to put any effort into your studies, we won’t make you”

14. “Much cheaper than the training your staff needs”

15. “Don’t like taking tests? We don’t like paying for photocopies, so you won’t have to!”

16. “Special conversation classes for shy students: if you are not confident… just don’t speak. (The teacher will fill the awkward silence for you)”

17. “Not as useless as violin lessons, and cheaper too!”

18. “No assaults in the classroom since we installed CCTV.”

19. “We think that qualifications don’t make good teachers (and they make teachers we have to pay more to)”

20. “Unlike Nova, you can socialize with our teachers. Please ask at reception about our English Escorts service”

21. “Our English books are very colourful.”

22. “Find out how your kids are getting on with our hidden microphones”

23. “Love the 80s? Welcome to our institute! With our original 80s teaching methods AND books you can live your favourite era all over again!”

24. “Lack of confidence? Our incompetent teachers will make you feel better about yourself”

25. “Certificate of achievement for all students who are actually still around at the end of the course”

26. “Guaranteed to have students who are a much higher level in each class to explain anything the teacher can’t”

27. “To guarantee an English-only class, we only employ teachers who have been here for years without learning a word of the language”

28. “Guaranteed smaller class sizes by the end of term 1″

29. “All our teachers have been told they will be sacked if they don’t improve”

30. “We’ve suddenly realised that quality teachers are a good thing”

31. “All those problems with drunk and fighting teachers are well in the past”

32. “The least lecherous teachers in town. (We slip chemicals into their tea)”

33. “None of the rumours are true”

34. “We won on appeal”

35. “We now do criminal record checks on our teachers”

36. “Just because you read it on the internet doesn’t make it true”

37. “There have been rumours about us, but have you heard the rumours about our competitors??”

38. “We are much improved after the summer cull”

39. “It IS possible to learn* English just through fun. (*Advertising Standards Authority judgement on our definition of “learn” due next month)”

40. “75 percent of our teachers aren’t alcoholics”

41. “We haven’t ripped anyone off since we were Born Again”

42. “If you want to enter an Advanced class, just ask!”

43. “We don’t waste your time with level checks”

44. “Other schools may question your estimate of your level. We won’t”

45. “Our teachers will never say they don’t know”

46. “If you want to chatter away in your own language, what the hell- you’re paying!”

47. “We’ve found the dead rat under classroom 7B”

48. “We will keep your teacher’s passport until you pass the FCE”

49. “You just never know what will happen in the next class!”

50. “All the worst teachers left last term”

51. “We will teach you language you can really use in the classroom, e.g. the language of complaints”

52. “Our crappy marketing proves that we don’t waste your money on it”

53. “We get all our worst teachers out of the classroom (and into management)”

54. “Unlike other schools, our teachers never leave halfway through the year (because they are wanted by the police back home)”

55. “Our teachers will genuinely enjoy chatting with you (because they have no friends of their own)”

56. “Cheaper than a host or hostess bar- and slightly less sordid”

57. “The only school in town that still lets you choose your teacher from a photo”

58. “We will genuinely listen to any complaints about your classes (because we don’t trust the teachers either)”

59. “This year’s batch of teachers seem normal”

60. “Complaints down 93% (to only five per class)”

61. “If you want to know how bad our chief competitor is, try speaking in English to our receptionist who studied there”

62. “Only 3% of our complaints last year were about the teaching”

63. “We now have one more classroom (please use the toilet in the café downstairs from now on)”

64. “The noise of the other students chatting in Spanish and Italian means you don’t have to be shy about speaking out”

65. “Here is a photo of some of our best looking students:”“Here are some more photos of the one newly-painted classroom from a different angle”

66. “*NB. Photos of the outside and inside of the classrooms/ teachers’ room/ school may be from different schools/ countries/ years/ decades”

67. “*Some use of Photoshop”

68. “Sick of our dirty classrooms? Home lessons available for just 50% more! And you thought only pizza delivery boys would travel all the way to your house!”

69. “We make illegal copies so you don’t have to”

70. “New classroom especially for one to one classes (ignore the sign saying “broom closet)”

71. “Our lack of windows and posters means you won’t be distracted”

72. “Try our Real-Life English class with a genuine cockney – now with extra swearing!”

73. “In response to student feedback last year, all our teachers are now given free deodorant and toothpaste”

74. “The doctors all said it was impossible to teach with Alzheimer’s, but John is determined to prove them wrong”

75. “With prices this low, it’s worth studying even if you have no need for English at all”